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Samurai Pizza Cats Four Jokers AUTHOR: G.A. Wildcat This story takes place quite some time [about 3 months] after Speedy and Polly's marriage, which was about 5 weeks after the comet fiasco---in effect, 4 months after the final episode. All thinking is in < >. Also, you guys are fans of other stuff, right? Look for the similarities.. You'd better understand it; I'm not putting it in simpler terms. I've seen those fanfics that have lines copied out of the famous "Dilbert" comics, such as this one that I found on the "Guido Page" involving Guru Lou's trip to the land of Elbonia. [YEAH!] Also, I'm going to throw a little teaser at the end of what is to come in my line of stories. Next, anything out of "Bill Cosby Himself" or other shows, videos, etc., from this point on, are the trademarks and property of their respective owners. Lastly, this is my first fanfiction attempt. I know I've probably made some mistakes here and there; so if you spot any, feel free to yell at me (over E-mail) about it. My address is at the bottom. TEASER A new threat is about to emerge. Stemming from the United States, a mob boss has joined forces with the exiled Big Cheese and has begun a campaign to conquer the planet, starting with yours truly, Little Tokyo. (A fat, overused plot, but have you ever heard of a skinny, weak one?) The Samurai Pizza Cats, plus Good Bird, have been called to the rescue for some unknown reason, but they will have to join forces with a scattered group of superheroes in order to get the job done..... (Scene is the inside of the pizza parlor's kitchen, early in the morning.) NARRATOR: Well, finally we have ourselves a brand-spanking new writer, Pizza Cats. He says he plans to be as humane as possible. Call him....CURTIS! (A brown tabby cat strolls in, covered with clothing that looks like it was bought from Detroit) CURTIS: Yep. That's me. I'll be changing the look of things around here.. FRANCINE (excitedly): Maybe we'll get bonuses! CURTIS (slightly bitter): Sorry, guys. I talked it over with my friends, and we can't give you extra money for doing this because we're below the level for the budget. Oh, well, at least your stock options are doing great! FRANCINE: We don't have any stock options. CURTIS: Oh. I'm probably thinking of myself. Maybe I should coach you on your communication skills. (The mailman, who looks like a giant ferret, enters the parlor) MAILMAN: Letter for Speedy Cerviche. SPEEDY: That's me! (Takes letter; mailman leaves after handing out various catalogs, monthly magazines, and other misc. stuff) POLLY: Well, what are you waiting for, Speedy? Open it! (Puts misc. mail on the table for later) (Speedy opens the envelope. Before he can take out whats inside, though, he spots the name on the front.) SPEEDY: (puzzled) Huh? Now, what does Bill Cosby want with us? POLLY: You mean it's from HIM, dear? (Speedy takes out the letter) I think he's getting old.....what DOES he want with us? SPEEDY: (reading the letter) I want you over in Los Angeles on the double.. Some of my old comedy sketches were stolen, and I need you to help me. GUIDO: (thinks, then speaks) How convenient. Possibly one of the greatest comedians of our generation, and here he is asking us for help. Man, we must be popular if we're hearing cries from the U.S.... FRANCINE: Why? CURTIS: Why, what? FRANCINE: Yeah, it's more of a "what" question. What actually happened that inspired Cosby to write that letter? GUIDO: You know how Seymour and Jerry got sent out on that raft after the comet was destroyed? GOOD BIRD (who had been silent the whole time): Yeah. (IMPORTANT NOTE: For some of you fanfic writers out there: GET YOURSELF A PROOFREADER! I'm tired of reading those stories that have countless grammar mistakes in them. I can't even understand the word "unconscious" anymore, as they give it the meaning of 'unconscience'! Not that I don't like those stories...I DO...but they could use a little correction! Sheesh. Anyway...) GUIDO: Well, my best guess is that the Big Cheese landed in the U.S.A., messed around with some of his comedy sketches for personal gain and messed them up. SPEEDY: (raises an eyebrow) Which ones? POLLY: I hope it's not the one where Bill Cosby's wife goes into conniptions just because he wouldn't get out of bed to fix the kids' breakfast. I can't just imagine myself doing that. GOOD BIRD: Oh? Then explain the temper tantrum you threw yesterday morning that caused Speedy to hit the roof. You said, "NOW YOU GET UP AND COOK SOME BREAKFAST, OR YOU'RE GONNA WEAR THIS BUCKET OF ICE WATER!" POLLY (nervously; perspiration forming): You overheard that? GOOD BIRD (chuckles): Of course I did! You didn't see me flapping outside the window? POLLY (regaining face): Heh heh, well, Francine wasn't feeling good yesterday, so I did want Speedy to make something for her. --FLASHBACK-- (Scene changes to Speedy and Polly's bedroom the morning before. Polly is in her pink nightgown, searching for her work attire, while Speedy is still in bed, snoring. Polly hears Francine sneezing downstairs, and becomes worried. She starts counting. After a few seconds, she stops.) POLLY (whispers): Wow! 3 sneezes in 6 seconds! I have the feeling we'll have to help her out today....I have to take a shower, though...I'll ask Speedy. (Smiling, she heads towards Speedy and wakes him up.) POLLY: Speedy, I need to you go downstairs and cook some breakfast for Francine. (Speedy opens his eyes slightly and turns his head toward the clock that's right next to his head. It reads 5:30) SPEEDY (drowsily): But dear, it's 5:30 in the morning! POLLY: Exactly. Go down and cook for Francine. She's not feeling very good. I counted an average of 1 sneeze every 2 seconds, and that means trouble for her unless we help. (Guido is seen peaking around the door.) SPEEDY: Yes, but to eat at 5:30...Isn't that bad for your stomach? I mean, Fran just ate 10 hours ago! POLLY (annoyed, frowns): Speedy, get out of that bed, go downstairs, and COOK BREAKFAST FOR FRANCINE! SPEEDY (puzzled): But I don't know what she likes to eat! POLLY (angrily, face bright red): IT'S DOWN THERE! NOW YOU GET OUT OF THE BED! (Guido is seen, still eavesdropping. Stifling a snicker, he heads down the hall. About a second later, Good Bird is seen, flapping quietly 2 meters away from the open window) SPEEDY (still puzzled): But where are the frying pans? Do we have any pans to cook with? I mean, what's with all the rapid-fire orders from you? POLLY (furious): SPEEDY, I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE! IF YOU ASK ANOTHER STUPID QUESTION, SO HELP ME, I'LL GET MY FLUTE AND SWORD OUT OF THE CLOSET AND BLOW YOUR FACE OFF!! SPEEDY (holding back a chuckle): Well, there's no need to become violent about this. (Speedy believes that Polly was having trouble intellectualizing on where the cooking apparel is, so he falls back to sleep again. A few seconds later, Speedy hears a bucket of ice water being shaken over his head. And this redhead feline that he had been married to just recently was standing over him; both legs spread apart, face red with anger, and both hands clenching the bucket at her side. For those of you who have the "Bill Cosby Himself" video, this should seem familiar.) POLLY (enraged, has now TOTALLY lost it): NOW YOU GET UP AND COOK SOME BREAKFAST, OR YOU'RE GONNA WEAR THIS BUCKET OF ICE WATER!!! (Startled by the shout, Good Bird lands inside a nearby trash can.) SPEEDY (bitter): You're serious, aren't you? (Speedy gets up and stomps out the door. Polly, spent from that burst of anger, falls on her knees and drops the bucket. After a minute of catching her breath, she remembers what she was going to do and grabs a towel, her work clothes, and various accessories. On her way out, however, she steps into the bucket, driving a chill up and down her spine. Screeching, she races into the bathroom at turbo speed, well ahead of Guido. As she slams the door, Guido notices something hanging off the back of Polly's nightgown, but makes no mention of it.) --END OF FLASHBACK-- POLLY: Then, when I got out of the bathroom after my shower, I fell unconscious on the floor! SPEEDY: Someone must have put delayed knockout drops in your coffee. (thinks) I'm not sure if I should've done what you asked. After all, Polly, you were the closest to the door. CURTIS: I have no comment at this time. (snickers) After you drank your coffee, you could've done it, but you might have fallen into the scrambled eggs when you fell asleep. SPEEDY: That's right. You know, dear, did you know it helps to take a deep breath, count to 10, and calmly exhale? POLLY (agitated): Please be quiet before I lose my last nerve. SPEEDY (not hearing): I didn't feel like cooking, so I was delighted when I asked Fran what she wanted for breakfast, and she said, "Can I have chocolate cake?" --FLASHBACK-- FRAN: Can I have chocolate cake? SPEEDY (in bad mood due to Polly's loud thrashing): Chocolate cake?! Where? FRAN: The chocolate cake behind you! SPEEDY (voice-over) And I looked, and there was chocolate cake! Fran wanted chocolate cake for breakfast! How ridiculous! And I said.... POLLY (starting to get mad; still voice-over): Shut up! SPEEDY (starting to get excited; voice-over): ...and something in my brain looked under chocolate cake and saw the ingredients! GUIDO (voice-over): Here's the good part. SPEEDY (voice-over; really excited) Eggs! Eggs are in chocolate cake! And milk! Oh, goody! And wheat! That's nutrition! (End of voice-over) What do you want? FRAN: Chocolate cake. SPEEDY: Chocolate cake, coming up! --END OF FLASHBACK-- SPEEDY (makes whooshing noise, whirls his hand in chopping motion): Sliced it for her, and served it! FRANCINE: Yeah, and then Good Bird (I'll refer to him as GB from now on) and Guido wanted some, and we had a ball, with the morning music playing and all, until..... SPEEDY: She came this! (Eyebrows and lips drop slightly) And when she saw what we were eating....(face contorts back to normal) I'd always heard about people having conniptions, but I'd never seen one! You don't want to see one! My wife's face.... POLLY (exploding mad): SHUT UP! That's it......(reaches for her frying pan but grabs a rubber chicken instead. The chicken makes a loud whooshing noise in her face; Polly screeches) HEY, WHERE'S MY FRYING PAN? (Throws the rubber chicken somewhere off-screen) CURTIS: I took it home and used it for my scrambled eggs this morning. (Snickers) SPEEDY (excitedly):......SPLIT! (Speedy, Guido, and GB dive under the tables, while Francine looks on.) POLLY: (becoming stressed) WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? CURTIS: (looks at her and grins) GB: Polly's face split? I was too mesmerized by the chocolate cake to notice anything else. SPEEDY: Yeah!...You know, it takes great thinking and work to keep from working, cause after she yelled at me again, she sent me to my room! I spent the entire work day in bed! <Of course, I didn't get paid for it, but it was still nice.> GUIDO (smiles): Which was where you wanted to go in the first place? SPEEDY (same): That's right. NARRATOR (laughs): This is getting better by the second! And to think we didn't even need to leave the pizza parlor for a scene like this!....I also haven't gotten very many lines yet. (shouts) HEY, BOSS? POLLY (screaming): WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR?!? I DON'T DESERVE THIS!!! CURTIS: Three reasons. One, I just like making fun of you for no reason whatsoever. Two, my favorite cat in this parlor is Speedy. Three....let's just say that it explains why everything is coming out of my precious paycheck. (Starts spinning around) Ha, Ha! Dance for your paycheck! Ha, ha, ha! Mine is twice as big! GB: Hey, what about me? Where do I rank on your love-hate scale? CURTIS (stops spinning): Relax. You're number 2, reason being that you helped Speedy destroy that comet way back when. (Polly, now at the breaking point, decides to lunge at Speedy instead. However, from out of nowhere, a brick wall materializes and she slams into it.) POLLY: Hey! Where'd that come from? (Pulls herself off the wall) : I know the writer well. He got that wall from an old pal of his. SPEEDY: Garfield? GB: Yep; the one Garfield uses to trick Odie into rescuing little Timmy from the bottom of the old well. Which reminds me; I need to make my breakfast, and then I'm packing for our California trip. Anyone want any of my specialties? (Guido and Speedy raise hands) Okay. Fran, don't you want any? FRAN: Nope. Already had some this morning. GB: Okay! (Everyone except Francine and Curtis leave) FRAN (turning to Curtis): Truth is, he's fixing breakfast with my spider swatter. (Polly, Speedy, and Guido scream from the kitchen; Curtis laughs) CURTIS: Boy, oh, boy. I love this script. (Polly, too distressed to do anything, walks away. As soon as she vanishes out of sight, she screams.) CURTIS: <Sheesh, you'd need to have a large set of vocal cords to mimic THAT scream. The staffing levels sound about right.> (Scene cuts ahead to a rehearsal in a darkened Los Angeles nightclub. It is two days after the incidents at the Pizza Parlor. Two cats are walking silently into the room. One of them is wearing a violet-colored light jacket with the name TEASY stitched across the back in white thread, along with a pair of jeans. His paws are brown and black tabby striped; in other words, he's a bengal tabby. The other cat is a Black Maine Coon, tense and ready for action. He walks along on all four paws, looking like a panther.) TEASY: Ready for our Joke-A-Thon, Ambush Cat? AMBUSH CAT: Yep! Fit as a fiddle and ready to hit the wild yonder! NARRATOR: Well, that was lame enough. Considering the facts that I get paid for every word I say and that at the rate I'm going, I'll be fired, I think I'll go grab a snack and renegotiate my contract. (Leaves) TEASY (snarls): Schmuck. Anyway....(sees the figures on the stage, and grins)..well, looks like the comet-destroying Samurai Pizza Cats are in town! Might as well check things out! (Up on stage, everyone is searching for evidence, uttering lines from various Cosby records. Meanwhile, Speedy finds a copy of a Bill Cosby record. Also, due to sheer coincidence :), he finds a record player and starts playing the record. The segment being played has Cosby talking about his days as a football player with Temple University.) SPEEDY (hysterical) This is a laugh riot!! GUIDO (same): Yeah, I guess you were right! GB (same): Stop that record before I die laughing! (Meanwhile, Polly looks on from the other end of the stage, her face a mixture of irritation and empathy. Right behind her is a set of yellow eyes, peering at her from the darkness. As Polly turns around, she sees the eyes. Sensing something dangerous about them, Polly screams and leaps away....and lands in Speedy's arms.) SPEEDY (freaking out): POLLY! You okay!? POLLY (shivering from fright): There's something in there....(points a quivering finger towards the darkness) GB: I can't believe it. There aren't very many things that scare you... actually, I don't think there are any. SPEEDY (unbelieving): I don't see anything. There's probably nothing there. (He was right; the glowing eyes had disappeared. Unnoticed by anyone, the owner of those eyes is creeping to the other side of the stage. Polly is still trembling.) SPEEDY (drops Polly): Come on. What's so scary, anyway? I didn't see anything. POLLY (puzzled): Oh. Probably just my imagination running away from me. Reminds me of the time I thought my marbles were hidden under Guido's bed. GB: Yeah, I know. (Not realizing that she was just zinged, Polly gets up and moves away for a few seconds to regain her composure. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a chance to regain it. Suddenly, Ambush Cat sneaks up and pounces on Speedy, evoking another shrill scream from Polly.) SPEEDY (strained): Hey! Whoever this weirdo is had better get off me! (Reaches for his sword) AMBUSH CAT: (growls and hisses; in imitation of Clint Eastwood) Go ahead. Make my day! POLLY: Hang on, Speedy! (Claws Ambush Cat, but A.C. just pounces on her too. Things start to turn into haywire, when....) TEASY (shouts): STOP! (All action stops abruptly) AMBUSH CAT: Well, fun's over. (jumps off Polly and Speedy and faces them) We hear you're helping Cosby. (Speedy and Polly get up and face the newcomers.) GB: Yeah. He's a very funny fellow. TEASY (sarcastically): Right! GUIDO (angrily): But why'd you have to do that to my friends? AMBUSH CAT: Do what? GUIDO: What you just did! TEASY: And what was that? (Queue the smokescreen as Guido pretends to fight....himself) TEASY: We never did that. GUIDO (fed up; not to mention that his armor is slightly scarred from his own attack): Oh, never mind! TEASY: In response to your question.....My pal's name is Ambush Cat, and mine is Teasy, King of Jokes. SPEEDY (sarcastically) You rule over a kingdom? TEASY (same): Yeah, a pretty large one. For example, what do you get when you cross Final Fantasy 7 with the long-gone Supreme Catatonic? POLLY (raising an eyebrow): I don't know. What? TEASY: I don't know either, but it must be big in jewelry if it has an Emerald Weapon! Ha! (laughs) GUIDO (confused): I don't get it. AMBUSH CAT: That's because you've never played Final Fantasy 7. Ask the Rescue Team sometime; they've played it before. They should know. (under his breath) I know, too. Catton actually told me over E-mail without him knowing who it was. GOOD BIRD: Remind me to look for that game sometime soon. SPEEDY (gives a big yawn; one so big that.....): Man, I'm tired. That big bru-ha-ha we had last night with the others really wore me out, and I had to get up at 4:00 this morning to continue our search. Man, what a hangover! AMBUSH CAT: <Man, I wonder who spiked the punch.> (holds back a chuckle) GUIDO, POLLY, GB, and AMBUSH CAT: Me, too. TEASY (not tired): Hey, Speedy! SPEEDY: What? TEASY: When you yawned, I think I saw the sweat sock I lost last week! (breaks in hysterics while everyone else groans) VOICE: Very funny, feline. AMBUSH CAT (surprised): What? Huh? (Out of the shadows steps a grey Husky. He is wearing a black leather jacket, an emblem unknown to the Pizza Cats, and an evil glint in his eye.) TEASY (angrily): So, YOU swiped Cosby's sketches! Quarter, just wait until I ring your Liberty Bell-sized neck! QUARTER: That's right. <The part about my neck wasn't.> And what are YOU going to do about it, Mr. Long-Time-Rival? AMBUSH CAT: Hey, stealer! Want to know who these felines are? Since you've shown up, you haven't mentioned one word about them! QUARTER: I already know who they are. You're not the only one who surfs the Internet at night. And I just wanted you to know that I don't want to hear those stupid entrances from the Pizza Cats. They make Austin Powers sound like paradise. (No offense to you guys who like him!) GUIDO: Uh-huh. POLLY: Who are you? QUARTER: My name's Quarter. Since you're not from this country, behave, and I'll describe myself for you. GUIDO: Oh, behave?....Yeah, baby! (laughs) GB: Please do. QUARTER: I am leader of the Animal Legion of Doom, or A.L.D. for short. Since 1994, we have been seeking control of the U.S.A. and the world. Recently, I added Little Tokyo to my hit list, and you Cats along with it----not to mention Sundance, Cosmo, and DeeDee over in New York. SPEEDY: (gets an inspiration) DID YOU FAKE COSBY'S HANDWRITING? QUARTER: Darn straight, I did. I sent it to lure you guys over here so I could trap you on stage. POLLY: <Yeah, well, it's a pretty lame attempt.> QUARTER: However, you're not the only ones in my way. There is also mention of a certain idiot, Curtis, and his cronies--- VOICE (loudly): Oh, you mean ME? How nice to call me that....YOU BIG, FAT, PIECE OF WATERMELON! (Spotlights hits Curtis, now in superhero form. He is adorned with a blue T-shirt that says "Cats Rule", a pair of blue jeans, and sneakers. Believe or not, his fur pattern is now CALICO. A Detroit Tigers cap sits on his head.) CURTIS (angrily): Bill Cosby happens to be my favorite comedian, and I'm not going to sit around and let a lowdown, good-for-nothing numbskull like you waste comedy as we know it! The name's Curtis, champion of felines! <And you're a schmuck, too.> (While everyone is distracted, Ambush Cat sneaks away, blending in with the darkness) POLLY: <Nice entrance, but I thought his fur was BROWN, not...> (gasps) <....CALICO COLORED?!?> GUIDO AND SPEEDY: WHAT?! GB: I thought only females were calico colored! CURTIS: Hey; us second-level felines can't reveal all our secrets. POLLY: (says nothing, so everyone checks out why. Her eyes are bulging out of her head, and her mouth is open so wide, she could swallow a submarine sandwich whole. Finally, her senses are regained) Sp...Sp.....Speed....Speedy..... CURTIS: Relax, Miss Banshee. <Obviously, she must have fallen for my brown tabby disguise.> QUARTER (confident, but bitter at the same time): I think it's time I've ended this little get-together. (Quarter raises a strange gray gun out of a hidden holster, and prepares to fire it. Suddenly, Curtis dives down, his claws slashing so fast they resemble razor blades. As he comes down, he lands on his feet [Duh], and the weapon is cleaved in half.) CURTIS: (to himself, but is overheard) Thank goodness claws came before disintegrators. POLLY (feeling overwhelmed): Meowww.....(faints and falls on the floor, the sheer shock overwhelming her) SPEEDY (concerned): Polly? POLLY! TEASY (chuckling): Relax, Speedy. She's just shell-shocked. She'll come to in a second. (Stops chuckling; plants his feet on the ground; clenches both fists) VIOLET RAD-CAT TRANSFORMATION! (There is a brilliant flash of light, which fades quickly. This time, Teasy has on a straight jacket, pants, T-shirt, and sneakers--all in the color violet. On his face are a pair of sunglasses; on his head is a violet baseball cap. In his hand is a baseball, which is flashing with bright energy.) TEASY: All right, everyone! Say hello to the new Cat on the block! Teasy Melika, with the fastest fastball in the west! (He strikes a pose, holding up his fastball, and his eyes flash. A mace materializes on his left forearm, and a laser on his right) (Meanwhile, Speedy, Guido, and GB are perplexed by the sudden turn of events.) GUIDO: Whoa. Cool outfit, but what in blazes is he supposed to be? Some kind of....super cat?? GB (squints): Looks like it...At least it explains his attitude. SPEEDY (sees a shadow edging across the wall): HEY, HE'S GETTING AWAY! (Suddenly, Quarter bursts into sight momentarily. He races out the emergency exit and disappears.) TEASY (angry): Hey, Quarter, get back here before you lose face...literally! CURTIS: Stupid idiot. This all explains why I hate dogs. (Bounds towards the exit, everyone else behind him) (Scene changes to the darkened street. A vehicle, which is a cross between a Dodge Neon and the final boss robot from the computer game DESCENT, waits nearby. Quarter is seen rushing towards it. Pinned to a seat by a book are the stolen sketches. A rumbling sound his heard as Quarter attempts to start the car.) QUARTER (frusturated): Come on, you piece of junk. Start! Start! (Tries to turn the ignition key, but the engine dies down) (Suddenly, materializing out of nowhere, as it seems, Ambush Cat appears in front of him.) AMBUSH CAT: Trying to start the car? Well, I took the liberty of draining the gasoline and the oil! (Points under the car, where there is a puddle of oil and gasoline, growing larger by the minute.) QUARTER: (mutters under his breath) This all explains why I hate cats. (Pushing a button on his car, a large laser pops out, startling Ambush Cat.) Anyone for barbequed kitty? I am. I'll make mine....WELL DONE! (Just as he is about to fire the laser, one of Polly's heart bombs blasts it into oblivion. The 5 cats and the 1 bird land several feet away.) CURTIS: All right, Speedy! SPEEDY (confused): Huh? CURTIS: Go on, trash the vehicle! I can't have all the fun, you know! (Moves in quickly and swipes the script away from Quarter) SPEEDY: Oh. Right. (Takes out his Ginzu sword, goes into his Cat's Eye Slash ROUTINE [Got that? ROUTINE, since he did it almost every episode], and lets the beam fly. There is a flash of light as the car is torn up.) (When all the dust settles, Quarter is seen standing, minus his car. There is wreckage and shrapnel everywhere.) QUARTER (angrily): I spent years building that car! Why, you..... CURTIS (hisses): Say it. I dare you. (Bares his claws.) Or are you chicken, just like the rest of your pathetic Legion? (Quarter doesn't say anything. Instead, he growls, turns around, and dashes off.) PIZZA CATS: (go into victory pose, with a soaring GB holding his sword in front of him) CHALK UP ONE MORE FOR THE GOOD SIDE! TEASY: (Before anyone can continue celebrating, he takes out a small chalkboard and draws a line on it, next to 40+ other lines for the SPC, and another one, signifying the 290th victory for HIS side of the battle.) Excellent! CURTIS: It's a figure of speech, Teasy. TEASY (chortles): Yeah, I know, but why do you think my name is Teasy? GUIDO: Because your parents weren't thinking about it when they had you? TEASY (glares at him): Shut up, Guido. (Scene switches to a room in a Los Angeles hotel. Teasy and Curtis are flipping channels, between an animated movie and a Dodgers interleague game. Polly is in the shower. Speedy, Guido, and GB are playing Bridge next to Speedy's bed. Ambush Cat is napping beneath the television. Suddenly, he wakes up.) AMBUSH CAT: I think I forgot something. Excuse me for a second. (Strolls over toward the bathroom door.) Yo, Polly! Can I come in for a second? I think I left my comb in there. POLLY (shouting): Make it snappy, okay? I'm almost done. (Ambush Cat walks on in and closes the door, his back brushing the nightgown hanging on the door. He grabs the comb, then sees the loose thread hanging off the back of the--the same one Guido never told anyone about.) AMBUSH CAT: <This'll make for a good laugh.> (Grabs the thread and pulls on it until there's nothing left) Thanks. That was all I needed. (Goes outside and shuts the door) SPEEDY: That took a little longer than I expected. (The water in the bathroom shuts off; there is a sound of a curtain drawing back) AMBUSH CAT (smiling): I know. (Suddenly there is a scream from the bathroom.) CURTIS: What did you do? GUIDO (nervously): I think I know what he did. POLLY (from the bathroom; livid): DID YOU THINK I SPENT 15 DOLLARS ON A BUNCH OF LOOSE THREADS??! WHOEVER DID THIS WILL BE GIVEN A FREE SHOT AROUND THE WORLD!! CURTIS (muttering): Great. Now I'll never get back to Little Tokyo by tomorrow afternoon. (Watches as a Dodger hits into a double play, then tosses the remote to Teasy) NARRATOR: Okay, I'm back. Did I miss anything? CURTIS: Yes, you did. A new bad guy is on the scene. Now, scram. NARRATOR: Excuse me? CURTIS: You heard me. Beat it. You're not wanted here anymore. Your contract was destroyed approximately 2 hours, 15 minutes, and 19 seconds ago. NARRATOR: That's just brilliant. What am I supposed to do now? CURTIS: I heard there's an opening for an announcer on one of those shows on Comedy Central....(remembers something)...Whoa-wha-wha-wait a minute. Before you go.... NARRATOR: Yes? GB: The name of this episode is "Four Jokers". I only count 3 of them: Bill Cosby, who didn't show up anyway; Teasy; and Ambush Cat. Who in the world is the fourth one? SPEEDY: Yeah, that's what I'd like to know. EVERYONE IN THE ROOM (in unison): Us, too. NARRATOR: I don't know. Ask the producer. (Suddenly, there is a loud cackling.) AMBUSH CAT (alarmed): What was that!? (Someone laughs, and the image of a familiar face from a familiar show appears in the night sky outside the hotel.) JOKER: Ha, ha, ha, ha! I've got you this time, Bat-brain! Ha, ha, ha! CURTIS: (groans) POLLY (from the bathroom): Does THAT answer your question? GB: Yes. (scene fades to black, with the Joker still laughing afterward, and then there is a sound like the power going out) JOKER: After I get Batman, you're next! CURTIS: (growls) Oh, shut up. Well, thats the end of that. Here's what's coming up next time..... TEASER Chico, the brother of Teasy, brings his musical talent to Little Tokyo. However, before he can set things up, Quarter makes off with his keyboard and brings it to the Big Cheese at Extras Island! Together, with the sinister Blackout, they devise a bizarre robot--one that makes the Pizza Cats miserable! However, Curtis has other plans.... #2: NAME THAT TUNE If you want the profiles on myself or my other two creations--or if you just want to give me feedback--e-mail me at: I'm always willing to change my stories if neccessary. Thanks! That, and the fact that I LOVE receiving E-mail. G.A. Wildcat