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Beast Wars - The New Crew: Part 3

Last time. The three remaining members of the Axalon II party crash on a planet. But not without a dream which involved Neo and "The Matrix." Now, on to the next episode! Oh, and just list



**Scene: Next morning, Outside the remains of the Axalon II**

Hawkeye: Is everybody ready?

Foxfire: Yep.

Penthesilea: Hey, do ya think we should go into beast or robot mode.

Foxfire: Robot would be the logical choice.

Hawkeye: *In beast mode* Aww...*Transforms to robot mode* Ok! Let's go.


**Scene: City**

Penthesilea: Wow! These structures are huge!

Hawkeye: Kinda like Cybertron. Just.. not. Ya know?

Foxfire: It seems that we're not attracting any attention. That's a good...

(Foxfire's words are interuptted as Laura Lipshitz crashes into her, holding that little TV thing she carries.)

Laura: HEY! Now sing along! Bye, bye, bye. Don't know really know for sure...

Foxfire: Get off me! Who are you?

Laura: *Spunky like* It's the Karaoke Street Song of the Day!

Hawkeye: Ok. Now go away.

Laura: I'm doing this tonight, girl your probably gonna start a fight...

Penthesilea: Run!

(Fox, Pen and Hawkeye run around a couple of blocks)

Hawkeye: Do you think we lost 'em?

Foxfire: I hope so.

Laura: *pops out from a wall* Bye, bye bye!

Penthesilea: GO AWAY!!!

(All of a sudden, another figure leaps down and knocks out Laura)

Hawkeye: Now what?

Stephen Jenkins: Come with me. Your life is in danger.

Penthesilea: How do you know us?

Stephen: My name is Stephen. Please come with me.

(They head inside the building and go into a green room)

Hawkeye: Can you tell me where we are?

Stephen: I can't.

Penthesilea: Ok... What can you tell us?

Stephen: There are some nice beverages over there.

Hawkeye: Why not? *Goes to a pitcher filled with ice and a dark liquid* Hey! What's this?

Stephen: It's Pepsi.

Hawkeye: Really? *Fills a cup and drinks it* Hmm... I like it. *Fills another cup*

Stephen: *Looks at his wrist, which there is no watch* It's time.

Foxfire: Time for what?

(*BZZT* The lights go out as muffled screams are heard, then they grow fainter and fainter)


Scene: ?????

(The three are on a couch)

Hawkeye: *Groggily* Ugh, what was the license plate of that space cruiser?

Penthesilea: Huh? Hawkeye? Foxfire?

Foxfire: *Taps Penthesilea's shoulder* Yeah.

Penthesilea: When I get my hands on that Stephen guy...

(The lights brighten as an audience is seen. Beings from all species and races. Including Cybertronians are seen. As the lights move, a band is seen and finally, a odd structure with some odd writing.)

Foxfire: What? Don... what does that say?

*Mark Curry enters from the opposite side of the stage.


*Cheering, clapping from the audience*

Mark: Well now, we got 3 of the most messed up people I've EVER seen... EVER. We got, Hawkeye, Pen.. Penthe.. Pentesila or... and Foxfire. What kinda names are those? Well it don't matter. Cuz we got a ride. For you 3 to go to anywhere you want!

Hawkeye: *Whispers to Penthesilea and Foxfire* This could be it!

Foxfire: I don't know...

Mark: To get it though, y'all gotta go through some tests. Hopefully you won't get F's like you know who *Points to self as more cheering is heard* Now. Each of you will have 3 tests. pass them all and your well on y'all way. First up, Hawkeye from Central Cybertronia. We're the hell is that? No matter. Your test, is to down a 3 lieter bottle of soda.

Hawkeye: *eyes wide open* Cool!

Mark: Ey, ey, ey, i ain't done yet! While... hehe... while BUNGEE JUMPING! *Cheers*

Hawkeye: Hmm... never heard of that. Can't be hard.

Mark: Yeah. Y'all say that. When do you wanna go?

Hawkeye: Umm...

Mark: How bout it au-di-ence?

Audience: NOW!!!!

Hawkeye: Whatever.

(They walk outside while Penthesilea and Foxfire watch on the TV screen. Outside a huge crane is shown with the proper bungee jumping equipment.)

Mark: Are you ready?

Hawkeye: Sure, let's do this. I fly all the time.

Mark: I'm sure... (To camera) This guy is a nut, he should hear that there's one more thing. HA!

Operator Guy: At the top!

Hawkeye: OK, where's the soda?

Mark: Here you go sir. Oh, I forgot. You're.. umm... *quickly mumbling* Bungee Jumping off a cord*

Hawkeye: Wha???

Mark: Ey, easy... no worries. See that yellow thing? Land on that and you pass! Now bon voyagey! *Pushes Hawkeye off* Whoops!

(Hawkeye falls plummeting toward the ground, he quickly unscrews the cap and downs the whole bottle)

Hawkeye: Hey! That doesn't look like a... *SMUSH*

(Hawkeye plumets into the yellow object which is actually a huge smiley face)



**Back at the studio**

Mark: See, we here at Toothbrush cater to people's needs. Bet he ain't hungry now huh?

(Audience Laughs)

Mark: Now, victim number 2. Pent... Pentagon.. or.

Penthesilea: It's Penthesilea idiot! Get it right!

Mark: Or what?

(Penthesilea pulls out her bow from subspace which is already loaded with an arrow, which is aimed right at Mark)

Mark: Whoa... Put that away! No need for anymore bloodshed. (Penthesilea puts the bow away). Your task, is that your gonna be instantly famous. Now let me work my magic. *Makes all these hand movements than points at Penthesilea* Your famous.... Come on people!!!


Penthesilea: *To herself* At least they can say it right.

Mark: Now, as you know being famous means you can do anything right? Take this...

Penthesilea: *Takes the disk* What's this?

Mark: Your task. Go to the airport. And bring this disk onto the plane that we tell you. Without getting caught by security... Now that may seem boring. But.. Remeber those secret weapon schematics all over the news? Well, I told them that you have it... hehe... It's not that far! Hehe! But we got a trainer... Please, some music for the trainer.

(Music starts playing as Whitney Houston comes in)

Whitney: I'll train you so that you can smuggle 5 tons of drugs in!

Mark: Drugs? What'chu talkin' 'bout girl?

Whitney: Oh, in that case, your on your own. (She then teleports outta the room)

Penthesilea: Ugh... (Exits out into the streets) Ok, let's see.. *looks at the sign* Ok!

(Penthesilea heads to the airport. Suprisingly, it's next to empty except for the clerks)

Clerk One: Miss. Are you Penthesilea?

Penthesilea: Yeah? Whaddya want?

Clerk Two: Here's your boarding pass. Any extra luggage?

Penthesilea: Umm.. no, but. How do you know us?

(The two clerks leap out from over the desk and unzip themselves from the head down and inside the "costumes" are Oompaloompas)

Oompaloompas: Oompa loompa doopedie day, please have a, very nice day.

Penthesilea: AHH! DIE!!! *Kicks the Oompaloompas very hard* Ok, gate 100. *Heads toward the metal detector and passes through*

Security Guy: Umm... Miss... Please pass through again. The siren didn't detect any metal.

Penthesilea: Why? Got a problem?

Security: Umm... Please move ahead to the X-Ray Scanner.

(Penthesilea Heads to the X-Ray scanner which looks like the metal detector, near there are a few guards looking at the monitors)


Penthesilea: Weird people. *Passes through*

(The guards look at the X-Ray and see the Disk in the arm of Penthesilea (Where she hid it))

Security Guard 2: Miss, may we see that?

Penthesilea: *Sees the guns on the guards* Umm... Sure. *Hands them the disc, the guard puts it into the machine which reveals the schematics*

Security Guard 3: Hold it! Your under arrest!

Penthesilea: Don't think so! *Knocks them out and grabs the disk*

Security Guard 3: *Struggling* Release, task fo..rc...e.... *pushes a button which makes a huge noise followed by lights and buzzers flashing*

Penthesilea: Now what?

Mysterious Mexican Accent: It is you Chiquita!

Penthesilea: Who are you? And... what's a Chiquita?

Mysterious Man: I am part of the Elite Ricky Martin Airport Squad! Now, release the disk por va vor!

Penthesilea: *Walks up to him* No!

Ricky Martin: Fine! Puts a gun to her head, Penthesilea then pushes him away as he fires the gun which fires a bon-bon.* Aye! Release the Hounds!

(a Steel door opens up as more Ricky Martins show with about a 100 Chiwawauas which start running toward Penthsilea, who is running away)

Penthesilea: This is crazy! *Jumps over a turnstyle* 95, 96, 97,98,99, on hun...

Ricky Martin: I don't think so mi amore! This time, the bullets are real!

Penthesilea: I get put off-line by a gameshow... *sigh, closes her eyes * Wait a minute... What am I doing being scared of this guy! Beast Mode! (Transforms into a black panther, pounces on Ricky Martin and tears him to shreads, then boards the plane. Which transports her back to the studio.)

Penthesilea: Well that was weird.

Foxfire: *gulp*

Mark: Now for Foxfire...

Another Mysterious Voice: Absolutely nothing...

Hawkeye: I don't know how much more I can take...

(Yet another figure steps out of the shadows. It's Gordon Freedman from Half-Life wielding a shotgun and wearing the orange suit thingy.)

Gordon: I am.... *drum roll* Gordon Freemon!

(Tai [the older version] comes running out with the all the other 10 digi-destined with their respective digimon.)

Tai: I've had enough of the digimon emporer!

Gordon: Oh yeah? Rocket Crowbar attack! (Eats a disk)

Tai: Hah! That did nothing!

(Suddenly a voice calls from the room. Mine!)

Kattan: Actually, Rocket Crowbar is a mod for Halflife which completely screws the weapons.

Agumon: Hah!!!

Gordon: Take this!!! (Steps back a few steps and fires a few rounds of scientists at Agumon)

Scientist: AAHHH!!! *BBOOOMM!!*

Foxfire: I wonder how you can fit something that big into one tiny shell?

Gordon: Oh, that's not enough!?!?! *The weapon selector screen from HL is shown hovering above his head and chooses the rocket launcher, the shotgun is then magically replaced by the rocket launcher. He then fires a security guard and a scientist from the RL.*

Security Guard: Another Day I guess.

Scientist: The chain induciator is malfunctioning at a supergiddial rate!

(Then the two burst into flames and disinigrates)

Kattan's Voice: That's it.

(I then suddenly appear in a cloud of smoke.)

Kattan: Those aren't digimon! Meet some real competitors! Go... Kid Rockmon!!!!

(Kid Rock comes out)

Kattan: Kid Rockmon! Curse Attack!

Kid Rockmon: *(#$)@+ @*($)@& @$)(@&)$(@ @$(@ and *#$*)@_*_@#=

All: AAHH!!! My ears!!

Kattan: Go home, let a real digimon handle this. I present to you the most fearsome monster ever!!!!

Lawyermon: Hello, I am lawyermon.

(For the record, Lawyermon looks like your average lawyer with a briefcase.)

Matt: That's a digimon?

Lawyermon: PRENUPTUAL AGREEMENT ATTACK!!!!! *Papers start flying toward them like rocks*

Digi-destined: AAHHH!!!!

Lawyermon: SETTLEMENT!!!!!!! *Big bags of money fall on the digi-destined crushing them*

Hawkeye: *Whistles and takes a few bucks.* I say we book. All in favor?

(Pen and Fox are already running off.)


Hawkeye: Well, that was odd. Shall we find somewhere to crash for the night? *Reads sign* Plaza Hotel. Sounds good.

**Inside the Plaza Hotel**

Foxfire: We'd like 3 rooms please.

Clerk: Yes, that'll be 999 dollars please.

Penthesilea: *Whips out bow* It's free. Say otherwise and I'll kill you.

**Top floor hallway**

Hawkeye: G'night!

Fox and Pen: G'night!

**Penthesilea's room**

Penthesilea: *near balcony door* Heh, a room with a view. Better open the door to let some air in. *Yawn* I'm soooo tired... *Collapses on bed*

(Penthesilea gets all nices and settles as she starts to drift off.)

*Loud Electric Guitar Riff*

Penthesilea: *Eyes open wide* Whaaaa?????















The End!!

Next time on Beast Wars - The New Crew

-The crew finds out what the noise is!

-They find out where they are!

-They find... STUFF!!!!!

-Zack De La Rocha from Rage Against the Machine guest stars

on the next hopefully more funny part on

Beast Wars - The New Crew